


Seek Me Out (Look At Me Look At Me Look At Me)

by alexenange



Series: Cover Your Ceiling In Nebulas [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AFTERCARE IS SUPER IMPORTANT YALL OK, Aftercare, BDSM, BDSM Scene, Bondage, Butt Plugs, Dom/sub, Explicit Consent, M/M, Masochism, Painplay, Sadomasochism, Safe Sane and Consensual, Sex Tapes, Sex Toys, Whipping, well pictures not tapes but shhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-13 23:16:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10523988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexenange/pseuds/alexenange
Summary: “Don’t you dare think you’re not fucking good enough.” Shirabu hissed. Semi flinched at the words; he completely forgot the argument that brought them there in the first place. The reminder was cold and uncomfortable and it settled beneath his skin like barbed wire.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all I'm on tumblr now at valientlyjovialzombie come find me I talk about space and haikyuu a lot  
> warnings for mentions of self-hatred and a tiny tiny mention of blood, and as usual, very explicate.

Tears stung Semi's eyes as he pushed the car door closed with too much force. The bam echoed around the garage and the person getting into their car a few meters away gave Semi a pointed look, then turned away when Semi sneered back. He really wasn't in the mood for anybody today.

Another fucking useless day at work. Another fuckup, another warning closer to being fired, another job he hated to keep just a little less than he hated to lose. Days like these, Semi would close his eyes in the elevator and wish with all his might he was better.

_ He wasn't. _

_ He never was. _

Semi yelled out something incomprehensible and slammed his fist against the cold metal of the elevator, thankful that no one else was in it. Semi sighed and ran a hand through his already mussed hair, scowling intensely at his dull, blurry reflection in the door.

_ Fucking disgusting. _

_ Second place. _

_ Never good enough. _

_ Never even tried. _

Semi wanted nothing more than to stop the elevator and punch himself in the face, half to berate himself for thinking such things, and half to punish himself further for the failures he tasted bitterly in his throat.

Instead he got off on his floor and stalked angrily to the door to the apartment he shared with Shirabu. Semi's knuckles were white as he grabbed the doorknob and entered the flat. He hung his keys and tore off his jacket carelessly, and hope to god Shirabu wasn't home.

Semi never believed in god, though, so his prayers went unanswered, and Shirabu stepped out of the kitchen with a look of concern.

"Wow, I'd ask if you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, but I was there, so..." Shirabu said. His hands were filled with a bag of cheesy crackers.

"Fuck off." Semi hissed. He wasn't in the mood for anyone that day-- especially not his pro athlete boyfriend who made everything look easy.

"What's got your panties in a twist?" Shirabu ignored Semi, because of fucking course he did. Semi ignored him back and stalked out onto the porch where he could only hope Shirabu was smart enough to not join him.

Either Shirabu was dumb as fuck, or the world's biggest asshole. Semi knew it was the latter option, though, because his boyfriend went to high school on an academic basis and graduated in the top five percentile of his college class. Yet another reason to call him mister fucking perfect.

"Eita. Speak."

Anger flared inside of Semi and he spun to face Shirabu. Semi drew up to his full height and glared down at his boyfriend. His body was alive with a searing heat that started in his gut and rolled into a boil that filled his veins with antagonistic steam.

"Fuck off. Don't you dare tell me what the fuck to fucking do." He hissed.

Shirabu's eyes narrowed and his breath caught. Seeing Semi like this, it scared him a little, sure, but more than anything, it just ignited him.

"Then tell me what the fuck is wrong with you." Shirabu hissed back. He stepped forward and pressed his forehead against Semi's, neither willing to back down and submit.

"Mind your own fucking business, won't you! God you're really that fucking full of yourself, aren't you? To think you have any fucking right to boss me the fuck around just because you're so mother fucking successful!" Spittle flew from Semi's mouth as he shouted.

"So that's what this is about." Shirabu said. His voice was cool, but under it there was an edge, hot and lethal and dangerous. The edge was in Shirabu's eyes too, hard and pointed enough to burn away the flesh of someone not used to it. Even with Semi, the gaze stripped him bare and left him vulnerable to the deadliest side of his lover.

Still, Semi had a habit of poking proverbial hornet's nests.

"You don't know jack shit about me. You don't know what 'this' is about." He sneered.

A tiny eternity passed where all Semi could see was the twitch in Shirabu's scowl before his boyfriend grabbed his wrist so tight it shouldn't be possible and yanked him through the glass door and into the apartment.

"Bedroom. Naked. Now." Shirabu ordered. He pushed his sleeves up past his elbows and pushed Semi to the door. "We'll see how well I fucking know you."

Semi shivered and stared Shirabu down. He didn't dare to say a word. Part of him wanted nothing more than to submit and let himself be punished, but he was nothing if not defiant.

"Don't make me fucking repeat myself."

So Semi was nothing; every bit of defiance left in him broke away. He slunk into the bedroom and stripped silently. He left his clothes on the bed and kneeled on the floor in the center of the room. The skin on his back was cold and electric.

Semi heard Shirabu enter but didn't look. "Good," came a soft grunt from behind him. "Close your eyes."

Semi did as he was told-- what choice did he have? His brain left him none. Seconds later there was soft fabric around his eyes, and Semi was blinded by a cool cloth they kept for that express purpose. Semi tensed up, but made no effort to remove it, even though he could.

Semi's ears strained, and he recognized the familiar sound of their chest being pulled out from under the bed. It was a heavy, wood chest, one that Shirabu had inherited from his grandmother before she wrote him out of her will entirely. As a fuck you to her homophobia, the two had used that chest to store their ever-growing collection of sex toys.

Semi wondered what Shirabu was getting out.

"Stand up." Semi obeyed. "Hands out in front of you."

_ Ah, so that's what he got out _ , Semi thought as he felt the cool slide of rope over his wrists. Shirabu left him for a second, and Semi heard a soft clink of metal, probably the bar the two kept that fit with their bedposts to make a DIY support beam. Shirabu then lead Semi by his hands to the bar, and looped the rope over the bar. Semi felt his arms get pulled up over his head and tried to repress the thrill that ran through his muscles. It didn’t work.

Shirabu wasn’t done, apparently, and soon Semi’s legs were wrapped in intricate knots and spread apart, tied to the feet of the bed. Semi’s cock began to swell as the feeling of being so spread out and vulnerable washed through him.

Warm hands were a shock on Semi’s sides, but one he welcomed. He felt Shirabu press ghosts of kisses to his shoulder, up to his ear.

“Do I have consent to photograph?” Shirabu asked. Semi licked his lips as he thought it over. He definitely made a pretty picture-- Semi bound and blinded and  _ enjoying it. _

“Yes.” He nodded. At his permission, Shirabu hummed and fell away. Semi heard the click of a camera and dipped his head down, shamelessly putting on a show. In seconds the impromptu shoot ended, and Shirabu was back, this time with cold, slick fingers that danced around Semi’s entrance. Semi froze, then forced himself to relax. The trust he put in Shirabu was terrifying sometimes, but Semi didn’t have the mind to think about that when Shirabu sunk his fingers into Semi’s hole. Semi leaned forward as best he could to make it easier, and in minutes he was shaking and whimpering. Lube ran down the backs of his thighs, painfully cold. It traced the crevices of the ropes around his thighs. Semi chewed his lip and held onto the rope that bound his hands together.

Shirabu pulled out his fingers and kissed Semi’s stretched hole, then left, and seconds later he was back and pressing in a silicone plug. Semi whined from the pain and the pleasure of being stretched; his lips bled from biting. Semi trembled as Shirabu stood back and took pictures.

“Eita, tell me, how are you?”

“Ho- how the fuck do you think I am, fucking asshole?” Semi choked out.

“Well, you look like you’re enjoying this.” Shirabu lightly touched Semi’s cock, now hard and flush against his stomach. Semi gasped then shut his mouth, sure that his face was red from embarrassment.

“Fuck you.” Shirabu chuckled at him and squeezed the head of Semi’s cock, making him keen with pleasure. Then the bastard slipped a cock ring onto the base of Semi’s cock and left.

“Come back you fucking-- fuck!” Semi cursed. He didn’t mean any of it, but still, he whined at his boyfriend until a hand came to rest lightly at the small of his back.

Semi knew exactly what the hand meant. He remembered as clear as anything the first time he was on the receiving end of their cat-o-nine flogger. Shirabu had a hand on the small of his back and he dragged the infuriatingly soft trails up from the base of his spine to his shoulder blades just like he did the first time and Semi’s whole body twitched.

“Don’t you dare think you’re not fucking good enough.” Shirabu hissed. Semi flinched at the words; he completely forgot the argument that brought them there in the first place. The reminder was cold and uncomfortable and it settled beneath his skin like barbed wire.

The first lash came suddenly and snapped Semi out of his self deprecating thoughts. His back stung and he arched it, baring his chest and whining. There was a telltale click behind him and Semi sunk his teeth into his lip.

“You’re more than enough.” The words were said into the flesh of Semi’s back where the flogger hit him. They were pressed to him in kissed soft and soothing as the lullabye his mother used to sing when he was little and couldn’t sleep. Semi felt his eyes wet under the blindfold and he hated himself for being weak.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice rough and a little broken, just like he was.

“Good.” Shirabu moved around and then he was kissed. Shirabu’s mouth was powerful and controlling but oh, so forgiving.

“But not good enough. I need you to tell me in just as many words that you don’t hate yourself.”

“I-- I can’t.” Semi’s voice and composure cracked.

“You will.” Shirabu’s hand left Semi’s chin and traced his skin til it rested on the dip at the bottom of Semi’s spine. “Believe me, Eita, you will.”

Semi shivered and braced himself for the pain he knew was coming. It hit him just like the last one did, sudden and white hot and perfect. Without a second to breathe there was another lash and Semi gasped; the muscles in his thighs quivered against the ropes and the toy in his hole moved tantalizingly and if it weren’t for the cock ring on him Semi would have come undone.

“I have seen you unraveled to the very core, and you are not an unworthy thing,” Shirabu’s voice was underwater-- or maybe Semi’s head was. He felt like he was maybe drowning, but in a way he didn’t care. “Eita, you are mine. You are mine, and you are worth it.” A hand on his back rubbing his skin softly, finger cold and a little damp with something Semi couldn’t register in his swimming, dizzy brain.

“You-- ‘re a, a sadist,” Semi’s words came out of a mouth disconnected from his body.

“And you’re a masochist. Works out wonderfully. See, Eita, you may not be all pure unadulterated power like you want to be, but you are powerful. Your power comes from your own flaws and your ability to wield them.”

“I, I can’t, I’m not,”

“Don’t argue.”  _ Lash. _ Semi couldn’t stop the yelp that left him at the sudden blast of pain. He whimpered. On his back a spider web of red hot inflamed flesh spread an aching pain across his epidermis. The pain was one Semi knew he created-- it had started from the self doubt in his heart and filled the marrow of his bones and it ate him away like cancerous cells and he didn’t know how to stop it.

Shirabu did.

“You are beautiful like this.” Shirabu pressed a kiss to Semi’s skin and stepped away, and then there was a click and Semi quivered from the attention. “You are always beautiful. You always have been. Listen, Eita,”

There was the cracking sound of the flogger snapping but Semi barely felt the pain, barely heard his own keens and moans, barely felt the ropes all across his body strain.

“That’s the sound of you forgiving yourself. So tell me now: why are you upset?”

Semi’s head swam but luckily Shirabu must have known to give him time. Words were hard to form when every part of your body was filled with painful desire.

“I-- I was wrong, I shouldn’t, I just. I felt, wrong, not good enough, not good.”

“And now?”

“I know I’m not good. But I feel so good, Kenjirou please, let me come. I don’t-- I’m not angry I just-- I need this.”

“I know you do Eita.” Shirabu’s voice was soft now, and his touch was welcomed where he ran his hands up Semi’s aching thighs, massaging out the tension. “So show it.”

With that the plug inside of him was moved by Shirabu’s expert hands and Semi saw technicolor sparks of pleasure. The cock ring was taken off and just like that Semi came, his whole body arching and seizing and convulsing and falling apart to be rebuilt but the hands that kept playing with his hypersensitive body.

His head was filled with static. Shirabu slowly took the plug out from him and undid his hands, already there to catch Semi when he collapsed back. Shirabu laid him gently on the floor and undid his ankles, letting him pull his legs together and curl into fetal position. Then the ropes around his thighs were undone slowly and methodically, and lastly the blind was removed. Semi still didn’t open his eyes; he laid on the ground until Shirabu moved to sit with him and pull his messy head into his lap. Semi’s face was streaked with sweat and tears, and his stomach covered in come, and he was sure there was a little bit of blood on the back where the flogger broke skin. Still somehow he was blissfully numb. A washcloth passed over his face and thumbs rubbed gentle circles into his skin and he was cleaned. Shirabu knew he couldn’t life Semi up so he brought him a pillow and a soft blanket and laid on the floor with him instead. Bandages were put on a couple spots on Semi’s back, and as he drifted off there were hands on his body massaging him to sleep.

“I love you, Eita.”

Semi smiled and curled one hand in the fabric of Shirabu’s shirt.

**Author's Note:**

> time for your sex ed:  
> toys/dildos-- research your materials and compatible lubes. link at the bottom for chart.  
> ties/bondage-- FUCKING RESEARCH OH MY GOD go to a website or a workshop or something that has a guide on EXACTLY how to do the tie. I am going to write something where the boys do proper research and communication soon, so that's coming. If you don't do a tie right you could damage the person, especially with suspension.  
> SUSPENSION-- do NOT leave them hanging, it will hurt, a lot, and it will make them sore. Take them down immediately if they are feeling any unusual pain, and be careful with older folk/ people with arthritis/blood pressure/etc. I personally don't condone inversion (upside down) suspension but I'm not y'all's boss so just be very very very VERY careful, yeah? Consent consent consent!!! Safety!!!  
> Just follow safe, sane, consensual. Use lube. Get tested. Communicate. Research. K cool resident dad is OUT. Well links but shhh.  
> lube/toy chart: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CMZGu9aVEAAWbrp.jpg  
> choose your lube chart: https://storify.com/neuronbomb/lube-an-in-depth-look-at-personal-lubricants  
> the tie on semi's hands: http://www.theduchy.com/DCWrapCinch/DCWrapCinch.shtml  
> semi's ankle ties: http://www.theduchy.com/SCSomervilleBowline/SCSomervilleBowline.shtml  
> I also put him with some (pretty much decorative) ties on his thighs I have a ref for what they kinda look like so I'll add that in a moment when I find it  
> http://www.symtoys.com/ideas_flogging03.html how to use floggers  
> http://www.symtoys.com/ideas_flogging01.html how to choose floggers  
> flogging basics: http://www.sextherapyinphiladelphia.com/flogging-101-where-and-how-to-flog/  
> note-- I haven't read those three all the way through since I already knew about floggers but they seem like good sources


End file.
